30 Dis 2011

[review] real story- iambunny ♥


Title: Real Story
Author: iambunny
Story Link: click
Review by: ilovemilkycouple



Title: 2/5
Your title didn't really capture my attention at first, if you made it catchier, or a better title, I think it would have earned you more points for 'title'.


Poster: 6/10
The poster wasn't as good as it could be. (Sorry to the designer) It was quite plain and the fact that only Myungsoo looked sad in the picture where as Na Eun looked happier didn't quite match the concept but overall it looked okay.


Description and Foreword: 4/10
WAHH your description captured my mind straight away, all I could think of was, what was going to happen?!?! But then when it came to the foreword, there was no information about the story or the characters which was what I was trying to look for. Maybe add some info there?


Writing Style: 8/10
I liked your writing style, just like others which i quite like, it was described well and written well (well you typed it but yeah), and it's easy to understand too :P


Plot: 17/20
I liked your plot, it was interesting ;D Although some parts let me down, it was still wonderful!!! I love the love line between Myungsoo and Na Eun ^^.


Flow: 9/10
Yes your story flowed along just fine, it wasn't too fast but just some bits were eh..


Grammar and Spelling: 13/15
There were barely any mistakes in your fanfic, well at least I didn't see much. It was perfectly fine to me the way it was!


Originality: 7/10
I've been on asianfanfics for almost a year now, and I've been reading a lot, which makes me see how many fanfics are alike, a lot of fanfic, just like yours also has the thing where they can from an orphanage and blah blah blah.


Ending: -/5
No ending, so no marks will be taken off, so it won't affect your score.


Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
It wasn't bad, it was enjoyable, lost some of my interest at times but it was great!! Keep up the good work ^^


Comments: WOOOO INFINITE AND APINK!! LMAO, Myungsoo's my favourite ^^ Hehe and I'm really sorry for the late review hope you forgive me :( *90 degree bow*


Total: 72/100
Thank you for requesting for me :D Please don't be discouraged! This is a good score ^^ Hope to see you soon at apink request shop :)


Do credit the reviewer and the shop. Link the review on your foreword or make it as one of your chapters!

[review] Let me cry- xrichan ♥

Title: Let Me Cry
Author: xRiChan
Story Link: click | click
Reviewed by ilovemilkycouple


Title: 5/5
Honestly I haven't seen any titles like this which I quite like :) It wasn't too plain or too boring, 'Let Me Cry' it sounds nice, like it would get the reader wondering what it's about.

Poster: 8/10
Most of them looked interesting, aside from the plain colours, although it's the genre.. but anyway they're good :) It's good that you have a different poster for each of the chapters.

Description and Foreword: 8/10
Your description and foreword really captivated me :D It was really good, different to others that i've read ;D Keep up the good work! Hehehe~

Writing Style: 9/10
I like the way you write it :) It's 'your' thoughts which makes it a lot easier although a lot of people do it.. :L But I advise you to make the font size just at least 1 size bigger on some of them because some are too small..

Plot: 17/20
I love your plot <3 It matches with the title of the fanfic. Your plot just captivates me! It's a really interesting one too!!!!

Flow: 10/10
I think your story's flowing along just fine :) It doesn't seemed rushed at all, and it seems as though it's real O.O Which is a good thing xD Lol!

Grammar and Spelling: 15/15
Unless I'm blind.. or i didn't read over it properly I haven't seen a spelling/grammar mistake, I might of just passed by it, but it's not noticed.

Originality: 9/10
Some stories have sort of the same ideas, but I guess they aren't really similar, I can tell you wouldn't have copied this from anyone else, your ORIGINAL! Man I sound really lame right now :( haha.

Ending: -/5
There was no ending so no mark taken for that and it won't affect your score :)

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
The story was great~ It was really interesting ^^ If you add more tags you'll definitely get more subs :) And I think you deserve more subbiessss

Total: 90/100
ZOMGGGG!!! First to get 90 for all the reviews I've done~! congrats xRiChan :D And thank you for requesting from ilovemilkycouple. I'm really sorry for the late review, *bows 90 degrees* I hope you can forgive me >.< and I hope you have a good holiday ;D Enjoy the rest of 2011!!! 

Hello, do credit the reviewer and the shop. please you can link this review on your foreword or post it as one of your chapters! (: Your story is in the APink Recommended stories! ^^

29 Dis 2011

Cube 'fly so high' awards ♥

Cube 'fly so high' games awards! 


APink Request Shop will announce the winners who won the three challenges of Cube 'fly so high' games! (:


*Please click '♥' to get your award banner.




First game: Guess who feat. APink


1: Justme- | 
2: HYEAxoxo_ | 
3: Kyuhyun_08 | 


*please click these too: review | poster




Second game: Guess kpop song feat. 4minute


1: Janluvucube | 
2: Helloimfee | 
3: Jonghyunjessica | 


*please click these too: review | oneshot




Third game: Guess Kpop video feat. B2ST


1: Janluvucube | 
2: Justme- | 
3: -evildevil24- | 


*please click these too: review | trailer




Thank you for everyone for participating this games! For the winners, congrats and don't worry. There's no rules except use the photo and credit the shop ^^


Please click the heart and the forms that are given. Please do apply before Monday or your request is canceled. If you already applied, I will put your story and aff on the status list under the staff that I choose with colour of orange or grey. 


Thank you.


By,
eunmi23

24 Dis 2011

Cube 'fly so high' games! *PLEASE PARTICIPATE* ♥

Cube, 'Fly so High' games!

Cube artists challenge you to participate one of this games. Each winner will get their wonderful prize and every games have rules. So do read it one by one. You will answer the questions in the form.


Seriously, it's damn easy :D Aff users can participate this games except for APink staffs.

READ THE RULES CAREFULLY.

First game: Guess who! o.o
- Hint: All of them are from the same entertainment.
- Please state like this: fullname | what group
- The answer form, please click:  my my!
- The password: APink



Second game: Song challenge
-Hint: I don't know~~~ NO hint.
- The video is only less 1 minute and only 6 songs. So, it will be fast! Quickly answer, okay?
- Please write like this: Song name | What group
- The answer form, please click: heart to heart
- The password: Request




Third game: Guess video challenge
- Hint: There's no hint anymore. hahahahha *evil laugh* >;p
- The video is less 1 minute and only 6 videos.
- I mute the soundtrack of the video. Please...it's easy!
- Please write like this: Song/video name | What group
- The answer form, please click: fiction 
- The password: shop




Cube 'Fly so high!' Prizes! 

Every game have 3 winners only! First join and already answer the form correctly, will get their prize! ^^
9 winners get an APink winner award banner each.


Not only just that! You can have trailers, oneshots, and posters and also review depends with the game you participate.

Get free review: all of the winners
Get free graphic: for the first game's winners.
Get free oneshot: for the second game's winners.
Get free trailer: for the third game's winners.

Satisfied? (:


DEADLINE: 29th JANUARY 2011 { I will extend the deadline if less people join the game }

I wanted to add to promote your stories, but there's a bad news. This will be my first and last games for you. I will close this shop for a while after we're done with this games, But the requests are still working on until they're all finished. Then, I will close the shop for good.


PLEASE PARTICIPATE THIS GAMES! :D

Love, 
Eunmi23
[Owner of APink Request SHop]

16 Dis 2011

Your heaven in hell for Ringochan ♥

Title: Your heaven in hell
Characters: Mihi (o/c), Key SHINee, Nicole Kara, Victoria f(x), GD bigbang and Dara 2NE1
Written by: Sherioka


The scent of lavender was overpowering as I entered the office of my musical school.

“Mihi. I think you’re ready.” My teacher told me. He handed me a piece of paper that seemed like a contract. I stared at him, he smiled at me, and he urged me to read it.


“Korea?” I asked, eyebrow rising.


“Yes, with a few other popular idols singing in a collab.” He told me, “They saw you singing in the musical show a few months ago and loved you immediately. The producer thought that training you would be a waste of talent, and debuting you would give you too much pressure, so for the first step of your career, you’ll be singing a collab.”


“…” I was speechless. I was really happy, outrageous maybe, but I was still too shocked to speak. The words got stuck in my throat. I could tell that the teacher was a little surprised at my silent reaction, until he suddenly covered up his ears. I let out a loud high pitched scream.


“Save the singing for later.” My teacher, Mr. Browns calmed me down.


“So you think my screaming is singing?” I laughed. Mr. Browns shrugged and dismissed me after I signed the piece of paper.


I’m ready for heaven, I told myself.


---


Korea’s really different from America. The buildings, the view, the culture and the people! I’m not sure if I can adapt to this new and angelic place. Every step I take, seem to be leading me closer to my heaven, I can feel a strong aura pushing me to go faster. The entertainment building was right in front of me, just a few more steps...


Walking inside the huge crystal clear building, a man was talking to a few other people, other than that, no one else was in the holly lobby. Yes, I’ve been calling Korea ‘godly’ ever since I got here, but it’s true, it’s practically awesome.


When I walked over, the man who was talking with the other people gave me an overly welcoming hug that almost lifted me off of the floor. It surprised me, who was he? A producer or manager maybe.


“We’ve been expecting you Mihi. Let’s meet the others shall we?” The man smiled widely. The other people who were talking to him were dismissed with a wave of hand.


“Umm…”


“I’m so sorry, call me Kevin. Your co producer and manager for now.” His white teeth shined. Adding bonus points to my conclusion about Korea. The place was really like heaven.


We went up the elevator, and through several turns and doors, we ended up in front of a black wooden door with the number 110 on it.


“Key, Nicole, Victoria, GD and lastly, Sandara. This is Mihi.” Kevin introduced, pointing to each and every one of thing. It was hard to remember the names; all of them were all glowing species to me. But I managed, and I replied them with a short introduction and a cute dimpled smile.


Then Kevin took us to a big meeting room surrounding by glass windows everywhere and handed us papers. Contracts.


We signed the contracts effortlessly and in a second, we were done. We got to work immediately, doing voice warm ups, stretching and the producer told us how everything will work. The boy Key was really close to a girl, Nicole probably? Somehow, I felt out of place, there was no one to talk to and I couldn’t feel a little jealous of Nicole. Victoria, GD and Sandara were on the other side of the room, clearly talking about something funny as GD kept laughing.


“Hey.” Victoria noticed me and came over.


“Hi.” I bowed lightly, “Is it obvious?”


“Of course, you’re gapping at all of us with those wide and lonely eyes.” She laughed.


It was only early in the morning and I felt unwelcomed here, no body, other than Kevin and Victoria has talked to me. It was only the first break and I was craving for attention. I thought I would be able to talk to one of them, but the other four people are off in the corner chatting. Being unfamiliar with the place, I decided to stay where I am and just simply rest. Staying in the white rest room up on the tenth floor and looking down on the busy street below is a very spectacular thing to do.


“Are you jealous? Or sad that no one’s talking to you?” Victoria joked.


“Hmm…” I paused, thinking.


“Admit it.” Vitoria chuckled once again in her sweet voice, “I’m basically Key and everyone else’s close friend, and I know all the things about them. I can tell you, what type of girl he likes. And you’re lucky, he’s currently single.” She smiled wider and a tint of playfulness could be seen in her eyes.


“What about GD and Sandara? What’s their relationship?” I couldn’t help but ask.


“They are a couple of course! I didn’t want to be the light bulb, so I’m here.” She pointed to the corner where GD and Sandara were holding hands, looking down another window.


“Oh…So it’s because of them.” I looked down, disappointed that she was only talking to me because she didn’t want to be a light bulb. What did I expect? I would do the same thing, too.


“Yah! I didn’t mean it that way. Don’t take it too hard. It’s not so bad talking with you like what we thought before.” She shrugged.


“What? What did you guys think of me?” I questioned.


“An arrogant princess. That’s the first thing we thought of you when you were beside Kevin and we were even more positive when you sang. You have that kind of…aura around you.” Victoria simply laughed, “But you’ve proved me wrong. Even though I’ve only chatted with you for a few minutes.”


At that, I smiled, “How can I prove to the others that I’m not what they think of me?”
“Easy. Make Key like you. The others will simply accept you, too. It’s going to be hard, because Key’s a tough one. When he makes up his mind, he doesn’t listen to anyone else. Plus, there’s Nicole there to support him and remind him of his choice and thought.” Victoria explained carefully, “Now, don’t just go talk to him. Let him talk to you.”


“How? Won’t I have to wait forever?” I looked at her orbs.


“If I’m not wrong, you guys will be singing a short duet for this album. He has to talk to you.” She winked, “good luck.” And walked away to Sandara and GD who were looking at Victoria weirdly.


~~~
Victoria was right. A few days later, it was time to record the duet with Key. There was only the two of us in the recording studio. It was a bit awkward for me, but Key seemed perfectly fine as he flipped through fashion magazines.


I couldn’t hold it anymore and spoke even though Victoria told me to let him talk to me first.


“I’m Mihi.” I stuttered, I was nervous alright.


“I know.” He didn’t look up from his magazine.


“I’m not what you think of me.” I stated arrogantly. He was getting on my nerves a bit. Speaking of being arrogant, I think he’s the arrogant one.


“You just stated you are.” He clearly rolled his eyes. I walked over to him and snapped the fashion magazine away from him.


“Look at me and talk properly! I wouldn’t be an arrogant princess if you actually tried talking to me. At least respect me.” I sighed.


“Did you know that every time you sigh, a little happiness escapes?” Key looked at me this time, his voice a little softer than before.


“I’m not going to fall for that!” I sang. Today was the first time I saw him smirk as he stood up, hovering over me trying to get the magazine back. He didn’t need to jump to get it, but he had to run around to catch me. After a few minutes, tired, I gave up and stopped right away. He was too slow to react as he already bumped into me, sending goose bumps down my spine when his head touched my stomach. We were sprawled on the floor, panting yet laughing.


“Am I still an arrogant princess?” I questioned.


“Yes, you still are. But you’ve upgraded.” He grinned as he sat up on the floor and pulled me up, “Upgraded to a playful arrogant princess.”


I rolled my eyes and hit his chest with my fist. At that time, Nicole came in from the door. Her eyes widen when he saw my weak punch, but she thought it was a big deal. Nicole rushed over and pushed me down.


“Oppa?” She looked at Key, “Are you okay?” Key rolled his eyes like I did earlier, that made me giggle a bit, but then I earned a sharp glare from Nicole.


“This is like heaven, but also in hell.” I sighed once again. What surprised me was the fact that Key squished my cheeks with his warm hand and exclaimed, “When you sigh, a little bit of happiness escapes. You’ve upgraded once again. Into a depressed playful arrogant princess.”


“You dope.” I hit him again. Not bothering the look Nicole gave us.


“Are you accepting her already?” She questioned.


“I guess so. I think you should, too.” Key shrugged as he looked at Nicole with innocent eyes.


“Get up, let’s go, now.” Nicole demanded. Key stood up, patted his jeans and waved a piece of paper in front of me, “go get it.” He threw the paper into my grasp as I caught it in my hand when it floated down.


‘Call me’ the paper read.


By the time I looked up, they were already out the door. I looked around to see workers cleaning up. Our duet recording was over.


Today was like heaven, but I drag what will come of tomorrow, when GD, Sandara and Nicole would look at me, with those eyes piercing through me, expecting an explanation about everything.


I know Victoria would be on my side, Key probably would, too…Or else today would just be my heaven in hell.


END


Owner's note: Hello! Hope you like your oneshot! Finally is done by our new oneshot writer name sherioka! (: 

[review] I won't give you- helloimqee ♥


Title: I won't give you
Author: Helloimqee
Story link: click
Review by: Tonichua

Title (3/5)
First off, the title of your story. Honestly, I can’t say anything about it because it didn’t came originally from your imagination. I can’t really blame you since your one shot is a song fiction. Maybe that’s why you used the song title as your story’s title.  Nevertheless, you should’ve thought of a more unique one for it. If you really want to include “I won’t give you”, you can use it as a subtitle, not as the main title. Observe originality and uniqueness when you’re writing your fiction. It’s really important if you want to grow as a writer. Put your own style in every piece that you will make.

Appearance (5/10)
There’s nothing much to say. Your poster was fine, not too plain nor beautiful (No offense meant to the maker.) The main characters were there. That’s an added point since they are the focus of the story. However, it would’ve been better if there’s a catch phrase on it, something that would represent your story. While looking at it, I didn’t feel anything. The poster serves as your story’s trailer so it should be eye-catching. The background was nice, not so crowded. I like it that way.

Foreword/description (3/10)
Your foreword was hollow. You didn’t put much in it. The story plot was not there. Since it is a song fiction, it would’ve been great if the song lyrics were there. There might be some readers who don’t know that song so to help them with that; you should’ve included it. No words needed. It would explain everything about your story. Moreover, you didn’t describe your characters. You just wrote their names. You should’ve included their attitudes, characteristics so your readers will know what to expect.

Originality/plot (11/15)
I can’t exactly say that your story is original but I know for a fact that it was really you who wrote it. That was good since that was really the point of writing stories, to showcase your writing talent and to share your thoughts.

Spellings, grammars, and punctuation marks (9/20)
Uhm. I’d say you need improvement in this area. Be cautious in your grammar when writing. Some readers don’t want to scrutinize words while reading. Proper capitalization was also not present. The tenses of verbs were a mess. If you want to be sure, you can use the software, “Microsoft Word.” Aigoo. Sorry about this but the disallowing text selection on your story was activated. So just read these corrections and look at your story to see the errors. Okay?
  • I was sitting beside the window while watching all of the movements outside my house.
  • I was waiting for my boyfriend to text me back but because I wasn’t patient, I texted him again.
  • I called my friends to ask them to sleep over and talk about him.
  • “Yeah, Jaekyung is right!” my other friend, Jisook, said.
  • “… You don’t know that this will eventually make you sad.”
  • We were teasing and playing with each other.
  • It was an emergency.
  • Starting tomorrow, I will change.
  • ..and when I turn my gaze to my left…
  • “Lets just break up.
  • …Junhyung gave to me before.
  • You were smiling happily.
  • My heart fluttered and beat wildly. I knew that I was falling in love.
  • That was the greatest moment of my life.
 
Flow (5/15)
The flow of your story was too fast. Were you in a hurry when you wrote it? You didn’t describe the sequences of events. The setting was not detailed so I can’t imagine were the scene was taking place.

Overall enjoyment (5/15)
I didn’t exactly enjoy it but also, I was not bored. It was fine. The whole one shot was fine.

Ending (5/10)
You’re ending was plain! You didn’t include what happen to the characters. After the break up, the story ended. It would’ve been nice if the guy was punished or if the girl found a new love. If you don’t want that, at least a concrete ending would be great! I felt like I was hanging. A sequel would be possible if ever you want to improve your story. I would definitely read that if you still want me too.

Total: 46/100
 
Reviewer's note: I won’t say sorry if you find the review too harsh. I want to help you improve your writing with the use of my opinions. Added to that, you requested the review for that purpose alone. If you’re not satisfied with the overall score, might as well take that as a challenge and make a new story that would leave me and your other readers in awe. Don’t be disheartened. Mistakes are there to help us improve. Thank you for requesting at Apink Request Shop and for choosing me as your reviewer. 

Owner's note: Please credit the reviewer and the shop! thank you! (:

8 Dis 2011

[review] Of fruitcakes & mushrooms; ♥- ALIENcowfrog

Title: Of fruitcakes & mushrooms;
Author: ALIENcowfrog
Story link: click
Review by: littlemisshappy
Title: 3/5
I found that your title is weird. First point deducted because it doesn’t fit your story at all. Second, because the ‘&’. You should put ‘and’. I didn’t mind the heart sign because it is cute. Third, because it just didn't catch my attention.

Appearance: 4/5
The mark should be 10 but I cut it to 5 because you have no background. The remaining 5 I’ve added it to the overall enjoyment.
Your main poster and the second poster are fine. 1 mark is deducted because the title should be bigger and the color should be more attractive (for both posters). I don’t know if it is just me or the color is quite dim.

Foreword/description: 7/15
Your description is fine. Not too much or too little information. It described your story quite well. There are few mistakes;

Wrong: Taemin moved away in the middle of 8th grade, & now, in their sophomore year, he 's the hot new kid every female in the school isswooning over.
Correct: Taemin moved away in the middle of 8th grade and now, in their sophomore year, he’s the new hot kid that every female in the school swooned over.
Why: First, don’t use ‘&’, use ‘and’ instead. Second, in ‘he’s’ there is NO space. Third, your tense consistency! You are writing in past tense so keep it on. ‘Swooning’ is not a past tense and please watch your sentence structure.

Wrong: Lee Taemin. Lee Taemin... NO. THAT Lee Taemin?! NO. NOO. Stop. He's not cute. This is the kid, the obese kid with the retarded hair that used to - UGH. NO. NONONONONONONOOOOO. But damn,  look at his - ugh. He 's so cute now... 
!!!
HE SAW ME !!
Pleasedon'tremembermepleasedon'tremembermepleasedon'trememberme
Correct: Lee Taemin. Lee Taemin… No, that Lee Taemin?! No, no! Stop. He’s not cute. This is the kid that is obese with his retarded hair that used to- Ugh. No. Please tell me it is not true! Damn! Look at his- Ugh. He’s so cute now…
Oh my God, don’t tell me he saw me?!
‘Please don’t remember me, please don’t remember me, please don’t remember me,’ I kept on chanting inside of my head hoping that he won’t remember me.
Why: *face palm*. Please, please, and please watch your writing style. It is a formal writing and your sentence structure is a complete mess. Why is there ‘!!!’ out of nowhere?

Plot/Originality: 9/20
It is not original and not so cliché. You can twist and turn your story to make it more interesting and please, the way you describe SHINEE is so cliché.

Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuation: 5/30
Wrong:  HE 'S BACK
Correct: He’s back.
Why: Don’t capitalize and no space between ‘he’ and ‘’s’.

Wrong: He has these huge, creepy bug eyes & an unflattering bowlcut.
Correct: He has these huge, creepy eyes and a strange bowl cut hairstyle.
Why: Don’t use ‘&’ in formal writing and your sentence structure.

Wrong: He's been stalking me for about 3 months now.
Correct: He has been stalking me for about 3 months now.
Why: He’s --> He is so ‘He is been stalking me for about 3 months now’ sounds completely wrong.

Wrong:
"LEE TAEMIN. WALK FASTER "
 " ...Song Yi-yah, that 's mean."
"BAIK SONG YI YOU'RE SOOO MEAN. SEE? MINJI'S ON MY SIDE. RIGHT?"
... No.
"Minji~ I have to go now, this is my house. Kekeke, HAVE FUN WITH THE MUSHROOM FACE."
Correct:
“Lee Taemin, walk faster,” ______ said.
“Song Yi-yah, that’s mean.” ________ glared at ______.
“Baik Song Yi, you’re so mean! See? Minji is on my side, right?” _______ exclaimed.
…No.
“Minji, I have to go now, this is my house. Kekeke, have fun with the mushroom face!”
Why: Your conversation, I don’t even know who is talking. The point of writing is to describe what is happening. I suggest you to stop from writing like this. Capitalize any sentence you want to show that the person is yelling it is wrong. You use exclamation mark and write to describe the person’s emotion. Please take note on this.

Wrong: I 'm back, and this time, I 'm hot. That sounds so... awkward.
Correct: I’m back and this time, I’m hot. That sounds so … awkward.
Why: No space between I and ‘m. Okay? You’ve been repeating this over and over again. Just take note there is no space between I and ‘m, she and ‘s, he and ‘s. Okay?

Wrong: A-yo , I'm back~ LET 'S SHAKE IT UP
Correct: A-yo, I’m back! Let’s shake it up!
Why: NO space between yo and the comma. Don’t use ‘~’ in formal writing. NO space between let and ‘s. And put a exclamation mark or period after up. And please, don’t capitalize the sentence as you please…

Wrong: I hate math. Right now, i'm just doodling all over my notebook...
Correct: I hate math. Right now, I’m doodling all over my notebook ….
Why: ALWAYS capitalize the ‘I’ no matter what are you writing. Watch out for your sentence structure and after putting ellipsis (…) at the end of sentence; put a period because it is the end of the sentence ….

Wrong: Why, WHY should I give a bear 's crap what x equals? How is this going to help me in life?
Correct: Why? Why should I give a bear’s crap what x is equal to? How is this going to help me in my life?
Why: Your punctuation mark and don’t capitalize word as you please! There is NO freaking space between bear and ‘s.

Wrong: !!! Jonghyun just walked in! He has a note for Mrs.Lee; OR MAYBE IT'S A LOVE LETTER FOR M- he's so hot.
Correct: Jonghyun just walked in. He has a note for Mrs. Lee, or maybe it is a love letter for me! He’s so hot.
Why: WHAT DID THE EXCLAMATION MARK DO IN FRONT OF YOUR SENTENCE? Okay, sorry for capitalize that sentence but seriously, watch your punctuation mark and there should be space between Mrs. and Lee.

Wrong:  JUST BECAUSE I KINDA SORTA MAYBE NOT REALLY RESEMBLE ONE THAT IS FEMALE.
Correct: Just because I kind of resemble one that is female….
Why: Have you had any idea that “kinda sorta maybe not really” sounds very ridiculous? And your sentence is not a complete sentence; put an ellipsis and a period.

Wrong: He walked up to the secretary 's desk, pondering how best to tell her that he needed a schedule.
Correct: He walked up to the secretary’s desk, pondering on how to tell her that he needed a schedule.
Why: NO space between secretary and ‘s and please watch your sentence structure.

Wrong: " LEEEEEE!!!! Taemin."
Correct: “Lee Taemin,” Taemin said emphasizing the ‘Lee’ word.
Why: No space between the quotation mark and the letter. Don’t use more then one exclamation mark. As I said, use words to describe the way the person talk.

Wrong: " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ( A/N ; AWKWARD SILENCE LOL ) . . . . . . . . . . . thanks."
Correct: Both of us silenced after I said that.  After a while, Taemin broke the silence by saying, “Thanks.”
Why: Describe what is happening not put bunch of periods with a quotation mark.

There are lots more but I decided to stop. Most of your mistake, I already explained it. You repeated it over and over again. So please use your punctuation mark correctly. Don’t capitalize sentences as you please and don’t leave your sentence hanging.

Writing Style: 1/5
It was very confusing. You kept on changing the POV and you didn’t let the readers know. I have to scroll back up again to see who is talking, who POV’s is it and stuff… please fix the way you write.

Flow: 7/10
It was okay. I didn’t feel like you’re rushing your story or what so ever.

Overall enjoyment: 3/10
Nope, I don’t enjoy it because you keep on confusing me on whose POV it is.

Total: 39/100
Littlemisshappy’s note: Please take note and learn from your mistake. I’m sure you can improve and you can be a better writer. Keep on writing and improve! Hwaiting! ♥