[review] Shot in the middle of our love- kaikiakaori ♥

Title: Shot in the middle of our love
Author: kaikiakaori
Story link: click
Review by: littlemisshappy

Title: 3/5

Your title is, fine. Honestly, it didn’t attract my attention but there are no mistakes or what so ever so I’ll be giving you 3 points.

 

Appearance: 9/10

I admire your poster. It’s so suitable with your story. Same goes with your background. It’s an awesome combination. One mark is deducted because of the poster’s title. It’s not a big mistake though.

 

Foreword/description: 10/15

You are giving too little. Even if it’s one-shot, describe the characters. It makes readers understand the character and might get into the character. You thanked the poster maker and etc so I’ll be giving you some point for that.

 

Plot/Originality: 20/30

I’ve read this kind of story. But I can tell your work is originally come from you. Your plot is good. If you expand it a bit, I think it’ll be interesting.

 

Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuation: 10/20

Your punctuation, grammar, spelling and vocabulary is okay. No major mistake but there is still a few minor mistakes. Take a look and fix it, kay?

 

Wrong:  HIs looks I adored. 

Correct: His looks I adored.

Why: You capitalized the ‘I’. This is clearly a typo. Go fix it later.

 

Wrong: Until she came into his life.Hyuna.

Correct: Until she came into his life, Hyuna.

Why: If you put a period after ‘life’, your sentence should be like ‘Until she came into his life. Hyuna is her name.’ because is you only put ‘life.Hyuna.’ it’s incomplete. And after a period (.), there must be a space.

 

Wrong: She stole hishis heart.

Correct: She stole his heart.

Why: You can clearly say why.

 

Wrong: She had just appeared out of nowhere one day. 

Correct: One day, she just appeared out of nowhere.

Why: Your sentence structure is messy.

 

Wrong: "Never would have been my reply but I blacked out.

LMH’s Note: Sorry but I seriously don’t understand this. Can you explain what are you trying to say and why there’s a quotation mark in front?

 

Wrong: I felt the throw up come on.

Correct: I felt like throwing up.

Why: Your sentence structure.

 

Writing Style: 4/5

It was fine.

 

Flow: 5/10

It was WAY too fast. It’s a one-shot I understand, but I don’t know. What I know is suddenly Jaemi died and Kikwang dating Hyuna and what? The end already. How come the evil one survived? But it’s your story so what can I say? Lol.

 

Overall enjoyment: 3/5

You should make it longer. Explain it in detail. But I did enjoy it, a bit. Because it’s kind of different from others’ stories.

 

Total: 64/100

LMH’s note: Keep on writing and improve! Hwaiting! ♥

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