Title: Give me a chance
Author: Aigookeyandtaemin
Story link: click
review by: littlemisshappy
Title: 3/5
Capitalize the ‘m’ in ‘me’. Your title is simple but it’s not very attractive.
Appearance: 9/10
Your background is super cute :3 and your poster is nice also except that the guy doesn’t look like Minho. Lol ~
Foreword/description: 10/15
Your description was fine. It will be better if you describe the characters a bit.
Wrong: A story about a boy who’s continuously loving the girl of his dreams.
Correct: A story about a boy who continuously loves the girl of his dreams.
Why: Your sentence structure. Some verb (is) cannot be paired by (ing). So ‘who is continuously loving’ is wrong. -2 marks.
Wrong: And the story goes on and on and on…..
Correct: And the story goes on and on and on…
Why: Your ellipsis. It should be three, not more or less. -1 mark.
Plot/Originality: 14/20
Soojin had a past lover. She fell and Minho catches her. Minho pretends to love her because Hyunseong made him? Well, it’s kind of common plot. But that doesn’t mean that your story won’t be nice. But then yeah, I can’t say it’s fully original or fully coming from you because there are just lots of stories like this.
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuation: 19.5/30
You don’t make much mistake. But there are still some. Take a look and improve :D
Wrong: It brought back memories; memories of me and him-the guyI used to love back at Seoul.
Correct: It brought back memories; memories of me and him-the guy I used to love back at Seoul.
Why: Space between ‘guy’ and ‘I’. I’m gonna minus 0.5 marks.
Wrong: The fact that I gave all and I became blind because of him, seriously hurted me.
Correct: The fact that I gave all and became blind because of him seriously hurt me.
Why: Sentence structure and there is no such thing as ‘hurted’. I’m deducting 2 marks.
Wrong: "Well.... it's because... I sorta... like.... you." I said.
Correct: “Well… it’s because… I sorta… like… you,” I said.
Why: Your ellipsis. As I said earlier, your ellipsis must be three periods (…) or a (-). And when you use quotation mark, you use comma at the end if you want to show who is talking. To separate what the people said and who is saying it, so put a comma. I’m deducting 2.
Wrong: Now what will my teacher/s think of me? a slut for coming late together with the school's "it" boy?
Correct: Now what will my teacher think of me? A slut for coming late together with the school’s “it” boy?
Why: Capitalize the ‘a’. I’m deducting 0.5 marks.
Wrong: Curse them, if it's about Minho and I, I don't give a fucking care because we didn't do anything inside his care and I don't like him, and I will never like him.
Correct: Curse them, if it’s about Minho and me, I don’t give a fucking care because we didn’t do anything inside his car and I don’t like him, and I will never like him.
Why: Typing error. I’m deducting 1 mark because you didn’t check your work.
Wrong: "Hey babe." Hyunseong said as he scooted closer to me.
Correct: “Hey babe,” Hyunseong said as he scooted closer to me.
Why: Like I said, if you want to write ‘Hyunseong said’ then put a comma before closing the quotation mark. If you put the period, it’ll be like this; “Hey babe.” Hyunseong scooted closer to me. I’m gonna minus 1 mark.
Wrong: "Can I... -" He scooted closer.
Correct: “Can I…” He scooted closer.
Why: There is no need for the (-) to be after you put (…). Minus 1 mark.
Wrong: "Get the fuck off!" I said as pushed him that he almost fell on the chair.
Correct: “Get the fuck off!” I said as I pushed him that he almost fell off the chair.
Why: Your sentence structure. I’m deducting 2 marks.
Wrong: "Come on, Babe." he kept on pulling me harshly.
Correct: “Come on, babe.” He kept on pulling me harshly.
Why: You capitalize the wrong word. -2 marks.
Wrong: Taking advantage of me again.!
Correct: Taking advantage of me again!
Why: Check your work. -0.5 marks.
Writing Style: 4/5
It is not messy but my advice, stop using POV’s. Some people might judge it too harshly if you keep on changing point of view.
Flow: 7/10
From the chapters you’ve written, it’s not too fast or too slow.
Overall enjoyment: 3/5
You shouldn’t change your font type and size every chapter. I did enjoy a bit of your story because there are not too much of mistake in writing and you write pretty well. But this type of story is quite common. Anyhoo, I wish you all the best for your second fic! :D ♥
Total: 69.5/100
LMH’s note: You can still improve. Your mark is not that bad in my record. I’m sorry if I reviewed your story too harsh. I’m also sorry for the long wait. Do keep on writing! All the best, aigookeyandtaemin ♥ I love your username, its so cute :3 lol.
Owner's note: Hello! Hope you like your review! Just like what the reviewer said, "Keep on writing!" Here's for you:
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