[review] Pulse- Snowyuki7901 ♥

Title: Pulse
Author: Snowyuki7901
Story link: click
Review by: littlemisshappy

Title: 4/5

Your title is simple and attractive. It attracts my attention so maybe it’ll attracts others attention too.

 

Appearance: 4/5

I am so in love with your poster ♥ it suited your story well. The mark should be 10 but since you have no background, I added the 5 marks to overall enjoyment.

 

Foreword/description: 9/15

You’re giving too little of information. It would be nice to have some mystery in your story but at least describe some character. It’ll attract readers to keep on reading your story.

 

Plot/Originality: 24/30

Your plot is interesting. It’s not common and I cannot predict what will happen next which is good. Your plot is full of mystery that make readers wanted to know what happen next.  

 

Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuation: 13/20

There are no annoying mistakes you make but still, there’s some mistake. You use your punctuation mark correctly. You just need to improve on your vocabulary and grammar. Fighting! ♥

 

Wrong: But for me, that has never happened...

 

Correct: But for me, that will never happen…

 

Wrong: I hear the temple bells ring as I stir in my sleep on my mat.

 

Correct: I was sleeping peacefully on my mat when I heard the temple’s bell rings.

 

Why: Your sentence structure is a bit messy.

 

Wrong: "Yah!" I heard someone exclaim at me. I quickly turned to see school kingka, Yoo Seungho, smirking at me with his friends loyally following him.

 

Correct: “Yah!” I heard someone exclaimed at me. I quickly turn around to see the school’s kingka, Yoo Seungho, smirking at me with his friends loyally follows him.

 

Why: Watch your tense. You wrote I ‘heard’ meaning the sentence is already in past tense. Also, there’s some minor mistake you make.

 

Wrong: "Yah!! You don't belong here! You never were!!! So, I ask you again. Why are you still here?" Seungho continued to demand, now stepping closer to me.

 

Correct: “Yah! You don’t belong here, you never were! So, let me ask you again, why are you still here?” Seungho said to me in a menacing tone. He took a step closer to me.

 

Why: The use of exclamation mark. Just one is enough, and the way you use words. Your word confuses me and your sentence structure is messy.

 

Wrong: Among the students running down the halls and bumping into eachother, I just walked slowly down the hall until I reached room A122. My classroom, also the home of the obnoxious kingkas and queenkas

 

Correct: Students were running down the halls. They keep on bumping and pushing each other. I just walked slowly until I reached room A122, my classroom, also the home of those obnoxious kingkas and queenkas.

 

Why: Your messy sentence. And ‘each other’ is two different words. Not one.

 

Wrong: Jiyeon always disreapects ne since…

 

Correct: Jiyeon always disrespect me since…

 

Why: Wrong spelling for both ‘disrespect and me’. Always remember to check your work after you’ve done writing. But this is not a big problem though.

 

Wrong:  I continued to remain silent. Soon, every student in the classroom crowded around to see the "action".

 

Correct: I remained silent. Soon, every student in the classroom gathers around you and Jiyeon creating a crowd to see the “action”.

 

Why: Your usage of word. Please be careful of it.

 

Wrong:  Everyone watched intently as they enjoy seeing me getting yelled at by my junior.

 

Correct: Everyone watched intently as they enjoyed seeing me getting yelled by my junior.

 

Why: Your sentence is in past tense, so ‘enjoy seeing’ should be ‘enjoyed seeing’.

 

 Wrong: 15 minutes later, sunsaengnim gave an ever boring lecture on evolution.

 

Correct: 15 minutes later, sunsaengnim give a very boring lecture about evolution.

 

Why: Tenses. ’15 minutes later’ meaning, your sentence is in present tense and your usage of word.

 

 

Writing Style: 4/5

Since it was only Yulmi’s POV, it’s easy to understand.

 

Flow: 7/10

It was fine. I didn’t felt like you’re rushing your story or it’s too slow.

 

Overall enjoyment: 5/10

The story is good. The idea is good. But it’s not my type of story. You can’t please everyone right? However, just keep on writing and improve! ♥

 

Total: 70/100

LMH’s note: Your mark is quite good. It’s the highest mark I’ve ever give someone (so far) as a reviewer. Keep on writing and improve! Hwaiting! ♥

Owner's note: Hope you statisfied with the review! Thank you for requesting from us! You can post it as one of ur chapters or just link it in the foreword! depends with the reviewer (: here's a gift for you: