[review] I'm still inlove with you no matter what- aigookeyandtaemin ♥

Title: I'm in love with you no matter what

Author: Aigookeyandtaemin

Story link: click

review by: aingeal1004

Title: 3/5

• It was quite long, and there was a typographical error. (‘in love’)
• On another note, the good part about it is that it gave a hint to the readers about the plot.

Poster/Background/Design: 4/5

• The poster was quite excessively designed. The smaller words aren’t really clear.
• You fulfilled the basic requirements as the main characters were shown.
• The quality of the pictures in the poster were relatively standardized.
• It was animated(:

Description/Foreword: 10/10

• Excellent work on your description and foreword ^^
• It was detailed, and pictures were provided for the main characters.

Characters: 10/15

• You managed to give the readers a basic knowledge of the characters (their likes and dislikes, etc.)
• However, their personalities were not really shown (more elaboration needed).
• Emotions of main characters were shown.
• Reduce the number of characters or it’ll be troublesome to characterize them. It was your first time writing so I didn’t grade you for your characterization in detail.
• Feelings main characters have for others around them were expressed. Good job on that(:

Plot: 20/30

• It’s good that basic planning can be seen from your story. Planning is important as you’ll know where you want your story to head.
• Frankly speaking, it was too long. If it’s your first time writing, keep it short. A plot that’s too long might make the story too melodramatic and/or “draggy”.
• You would do much better if you got to the climax of the story faster.
• You were able to show Taemin’s affection for the girl (the conversation Taemin had on the phone and Minho’s remarks when he overheard).
• I did see effort for making the plot interesting so I added marks(:

Flow/Pace: 3/5

• Your transitions (into flashbacks, etc.) were quite smooth. Keep it up ^^
• The pace was quite slow.
• The flow was relatively smooth as you were able to push the story along.

Writing Style: 4/10

• Your descriptions, background information, etc in the story was very, very detailed.
• The points of view need some working on.
• Please align to the left (and standardize it) so I can see where the paragraphing is.
• Avoid emoticons. You’re supposed to show the readers how the characters feel not tell them.
• Descriptions are too vague.

Originality/Creativity: 4/5

• Marks were awarded more for originality than for creativity.
• Story wasn’t copied/adapted from other sources.

Punctuation/Spelling/Tenses/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/15

• I didn’t spot any punctuation errors.
• Spelling and typographical errors were few.
• Suggestion: Expand your vocabulary and double-check your tenses.
• Overall, there was not much of a problem other than the above-mentioned vocabulary and tenses(:

• I only picked a few errors to correct from each of the first thirteen chapters (out of the current thirty-four). 

Chapter 1

Wrong: I’mstill trying to familiarize myself to the new environment.

Correct: I was still trying to familiarize myself with the new environment.

Why:  (1) Tense. (2) Incorrect word. It should be ‘with’ not ‘to’. 

Wrong: (1) I finally woke up. After five rings of the alarm clock, I finally woke up. (2) But we can speak English very fluent English because of Forever Moving. 

Correct: (1) The incessant ringing from the alarm clock finally woke me up. (2) However, we speak fluent English as we moved house frequently due to our father’s job. 

Why: (1) Try to avoid repeating so frequently. It only drags the story. (2) Don’t write “Forever Moving”. Firstly, the capitalization is incorrect. Secondly, you can’t express it like that. 

Chapter 2

Wrong: Me and Trishare starting to become closer and closer

Correct: Trish and I grew closer as time passed. 

Why: (1) ‘Trish and I’ not ‘Me and Trish’. Improper English. (2) Tense. 

Chapter 3

Wrong: Secretive Parents of Mine never fails to make us surprised all the time. 

Correct: My sneaky parents never failed to surprise us every time.

Why: (1) Incorrect capitalization. (2) Tense. (3) It can’t possibly happen all the time. 

Chapter 4

Wrong: Well, I’m really hungry and this Bacon and Eggs looks and smells so good. I have to take a taste. NOM NOM NOM…. BURRRP! Excuse Me. ^_^ 

Correct: The smell of bacon and eggs had my mouth watering. Famished, I wolfed them down, burping contentedly when I finished. 

Why: (1) You are not talking. It shouldn’t be phrased like that. (2) Show, don’t tell. Describe how you’re ‘really hungry’. Don’t just say it. (3) Emoticons are highly discouraged. Story-writing consists of descriptions, not emoticons. 

Chapter 5

Wrong: They all putted their own scarves, cap, gloves and shades. They waved goodbye, I nodded and they walked out the door.

Correct: After wearing their scarves, caps, gloves and shades, they walked out, waving goodbye. I acknowledged them with a smile and a slight nod and continued practising my dance steps. 

Why: Past tense of ‘put’ is ‘put’. ‘Putted’ means ‘to try to hit a golf ball into a hole by striking it gently so that it rolls across the green’. (3) The way you phrased/expressed the sentence was odd. Taemin isn’t dismissing his servants. You didn’t express how Taemin nodded and readers might misinterpret it into what I had mentioned earlier. 

Chapter 10

Wrong: Everyone in class just introduced their self. 

Correct: Everyone briefly introduced themselves. 

Why: No such thing as ‘their self’. 

Bonus: 2 marks

• For the pictures provided throughout the story ^^
• Effort for writing a long story despite it being your first.

Marks Achieved: 69/100

Grade: C

Side note: Keep up the excellent work on your forewords and description section! ^^ Now what you need to do is to work on your writing style. Keep it less conversational. Narrate the story. Vocabulary and tenses can be worked on slowly. They require a lot of reading, and much, much more practise. You requested for leniency, so I tried my best to be lenient. Don’t be disheartened by the grade. Keep writing; you’ll improve with time(: 

Owner's note: Hope you like your review! About the grammar/spellings correction, i only write 6 out of 13 examples. If you want the rest of the corrections, just PM me. Here's a gift for you: