Title: Another cinderella story part 2
Author: Justme-
Story link: click
Review by: Littlemisshappy
Author: Justme-
Story link: click
Review by: Littlemisshappy
Title: 4/5
Your title is interesting but the ‘part 2’ is not necessary so one point is docked because of that.
Appearance: 7/10
Your poster is okay but it’s kind of big and your background suited the mood of your story.
Foreword/description: 10/15
Your description is too short. You can never describe a story with 2 words and the periods should be three not two.
Wrong: He’s back..
Correct: He’s back…
Why: Ellipsis contains of 3 periods, not two.
Your foreword is okay. You described the characters well. Here’s some mistake;
Wrong: Myungsoo's helding a party for his birthday.
Correct: Myungsoo held a party for his birthday.
Why: First of all, ‘held’ is a past tense, to mix a past tense with ‘-ing’? It’s a no-no.
Plot/Originality: 17/20
Long lost lover came back, had a dilemma whether to choose the current boyfriend or the long lost lover…long lost lover understood her, let her be with her current boyfriend…long lost lover go back to state…
Well, it’s kind of common type of stories…but you made it interesting, at least for me but then pity L. Joe, his love life are so sad. And did I mention you L. Joe is my ultimate bias? HAHAHA, I’ll be unbiased in reviewing, no worries ;)
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuation: 24/30
It is almost spotless I tell you, one of the reasons why I enjoy this fan fiction.
Wrong: “Aish. What the hell with both of them..” he muttered.
Correct: "Aish. What the hell with both of them…” he muttered.
Why: Your periods. It should be three.
Wrong: “You guys..”
Correct: “You guys…”
Why: Your periods. It should be three.
Wrong: “Thanks for these surprises, thanks for ignoring me for the whole school period, thanks everyone!”
Correct: “Thanks for the surprises, thanks for ignoring me for the whole school period, thanks everyone!”
Why: Your sentence structure.
Wrong: Scare to be late, you ran to the car.
Correct: Scared to be late, you ran to the car.
Why: Your tense consistency. Always write in past tense.
Wrong: “Drinks.. drinks.. Aha!”
Correct: “Drinks…drinks…Aha!”
Why: Your periods, again. Ellipsis contains of three periods and you use it for an incomplete thought.
Wrong: You reached for the drink and drink it fast, which make you cough.
Correct: You reached for the drink and drank it fast, which make you coughed.
Why: Tense consistency.
That is some of your mistakes; the rest is just the same, minor mistakes. I’m sure you can improve to be a good writer! :)
Writing Style: 5/5
I love your writing style! It wasn’t messy and easy to understand.
Flow: 6/10
For me, it kind of too fast. L. Joe has just arrived but then he’s going to states back!
Overall enjoyment: 5/5
I did enjoy this story! Thanks for making a good story! :D Although it’s kind of sad for L. Joe’s lovers…
Total: 78/100
LMH’s note: Congratulations! You’ve made me a happy person when reviewing J I hope you’re satisfied with the review and keep up the good work! :D oh, and congratulations for winning too!
Hello! Congrats that you won the challenges! Here's the review for your story! Credit and link it on your foreword ^^
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