19 Jan 2012

Real identity for Not_me ♥

Title: Real identity
Characters: Key & minho's shinee and Soochan  (o/c)
Written by: Sherioka

Key opens the door into the boy’s washroom slowly, he’s sick of the loud music, all the screams and shouts and piercing lights, he wants to rest for a bit. As much as he loves dancing and singing, there’s always a too much for everything.

When he walks inside, he hears a voice. A voice so familiar and yet so feminine; Key peers out of a stall that separates the mirror where the sound is coming from and from his spot behind the stall that is close to the door. “Sky?” He muttered. He can’t believe his eyes. The Sky, his backup dancer with breasts!

What Key doesn’t know is that Sky wasn’t her real name. Her real name is actually Soochan. Soochan wanted to become a backup dancer for the all-so-mighty and popular SHINee, but they don’t allow girls as backup dancer. Probably scared of what the girl fans signing up and stressing out their star pupil Soochan thought. The first thing that came up in her mind at that time was to disguise herself and sign up, knowing perfectly well that if she tried her best, she would be accepted. Of course, Soochan is a great dancer. 

Once she entered the agency, she abandoned her real name and started going for the name Sky. To make her plan more real, she even asked her parents to start calling her Sky and referring her as their ‘son’.

While Sky is using a cloth and rolling it tightly around her breasts, she doesn’t notice Key standing there gapping at her. Key quickly ran out of the washroom, closing the door behind him tightly. All the shock and fear are being replaced by a slight hint of anger and some evil thoughts. “Oh, she’s dead meat.” He says.

~~~

The next few days, Key couldn’t take his eyes off Sky. He wants to find some advantages for him and some difficulties for her so he can overthrow her act. Sky didn’t find anything wrong, but she can just feel someone staring at her from afar. She didn’t like the feeling at all.

“Minho, I keep on having this tingly feeling that someone’s observing me.” Sky says to Minho, her best friend one day, sitting down in the agency café.

“Don’t worry too much Sky, you think too much for a boy.” Minho laughs and shakes his head in disapproval. “How about another game of basketball this time? It’s about time we exercise again.”

“A good game may take my mind off things. Sure.” Sky agrees. Minho held out a hand to pull her up from the seat and he put an arm around her shoulder while she did the same. Sky was relieved that she was slightly tall and that she loves sports.

Key watches them walk into the big indoors basketball court with their arm around each other. “Does Minho know that she’s a girl? Minho you pabo!” Key mutters. He decides to do further observations as he follows them into the gym. Once Minho notices Key, he immediately asks him to join.

“Key, come join us!” Minho wave and shout. Key shook his head, but Minho came running to him and pulling him to join them.

“There are only a few rules in our way of basketball. Do not hurt each other and do not cheat.” Sky told Key.

“Alright.” Key mumbles as he gave her a death glare. He thought, if he could hurt her in this game, Minho will want to take her to the doctors and once they get her to the doctor, her identity will be revealed. Then there will be no game for her anymore.

It was tough for Key to try and win Minho, not to mention Sky! Minho was even praising him—wait it should be ‘her’ instead. “I have to get use to calling her a girl. Just to let her know that I know.” Key mumbles under his breath already tired from the game.

“What’s wrong Key? Had enough?” Sky teased, triggering him with anger. Sky was about to send a ball through the loop when Key suddenly jumped up from across her and slapped her hand, causing the ball to bounce away and Sky falling to the ground.

“Yah! Key!” Minho came rushing over to support his best friend in his arms. Glaring at Key suspiciously. “That’s a little too much.”

“I’m sorry…I just…I was focused on winning and didn’t think that…” Key fumbled out, apology spread across his face, but there’s more instead of his mind.

“That’s alright.” Sky slowly pushed away Minho’s supportive arms. She knows that she can’t act weak; she can’t act girly just because of a slight foul in basketball. Plus, she doesn’t want her identity to reveal, but the way Key’s acting, it seems like he knows something about her.

“No, that’s not alright. Let’s go to the nurse, Sky. Something big might be behind that small slap that doesn’t hurt you now. It might ruin your career, too. You love dancing.” Minho put an arm around Sky’s shoulder and leads her to the gym door.

Jealousy. Key couldn’t believe that he’s feeling jealous of the way Minho’s treating a liar! It made him want to blackmail her more, curse her, hurt her and make sure she knows it. He decided to tell her that he knows.

~~~

Sky threw a crumpled piece of paper into the garbage can with one shot.

“Score!” Key chanted as he walked into the dressing room where she is. He took a seat beside her and stared at her.

“What?” Sky laughed.

“Nothing. Don’t you look a bit famine for a boy?” Key pursed his lips as he touched her temple, her nose and lastly, her lips. “Your face is so tender. What kind of lotion do you use?”

“Nothing.” Sky mimicked.

“I bet that’s true. You don’t need to, your face is beautiful. You’re a girl aren’t you?” Key flicked his fingers on her forehead. Sky was right all along; Key did know something, something big in fact. “Don’t deny it girly.” Key chuckled.

“If you don’t say anything, I won’t say you hurting my wrist with that slap. To my surprise, it caused my right hand to bruise and it’s numb. I can’t dance and I’ve been lying to the producer saying that I hit the basketball.” She replied.

“Yeah.” Key grinned a little, “Now smile like I just said something funny.” He ordered under his breath before other back up dancers came in. On Key’s cue, the two of them burst out laughing.

As expected, no one suspects a single thing.

~~~

Days, weeks, months past…Sky stayed clear of Key’s way even though nothing wrong could possibly happen. She always stayed with Minho and sometimes other backup dancers. She made little contact with people out of her group of friends.

Without her knowing, Key felt jealousy triggering inside his gut, his mind and his heart. This time, it craved for her attention. He was simply in love.

“Sky, have you possibly forgotten about my existence?” Key whispered beside her ear one day after both their work finished for that day.

“No.” She replied bluntly. “In fact, I see you every day; I can feel your presence and the way you look at me from miles away. It’s obvious. You want something from me that’s why you’re keeping my identity a secret.”

“You’re right. I do.” Key smirked without a second thought. “I like you.”

“That’ll be gay.” Sky shrugged. “But more over, that’ll be unfair.”

“Who knows?” He planted a light kiss on her forehead before heading off the opposite direction. “Bye, Sky!”

Sky grips her fingers tightly. Even though she has feelings for Key ever since she met her, she was so delighted to play basketball with him at that time, but now everything seems to be a big fat lie. Everything’s fake between them. There’s no truth at all. He can’t be trusted, he definitely won’t trust her.

~~~

The next morning, she handed an envelope to the manager. “I’m quitting this job.” She says loudly.

“What!?” Key spat at her.

“Reason, Sky.” The manager told her softly.

“Actually, I’m a girl. I just can’t hide the guilt in me anymore, not ever since I fell in love with…” Sky paused. Key was anticipating for his name, I mean, it was him that made her in despair! He should be the one she loves! He should be the one he’s giving up this job for! To Key, this world had turn upside down. He was once using the feeling of hatred towards her, but now, it’s being replaced by something new called love. “Minho.” She spoke quietly.

Minho stood up and gave her a tight hug, not saying anything.

“Well, Sky. It says that your real name is Yoon Soochan in these documents. I agree, the faster you leave the better or else some weird gossip or rumor would start, but as your manager and as someone who knew you since you entered here, I allow you to stay.”

“But…” Sky mumbled.

“I know you want to be with…Minho.” The manager spoke intently at her, while sneaking glances at Key. At this moment, Sky knows that the manager knows of the relationship she has with Key.

“Alright.” Sky smiled lightly.

~~~

And a few more days, weeks, months had past. Sky still didn’t progress anything with Kei. She felt that he’s being unfair with everything, she feels that he lacks of security. Because of that, she’s been spending every day of her life with her best friend, Minho. He agreed to be her boyfriend. Ever since that day, he’s been over protective of her with other guys. Making Key jealous. He has deeply fallen in love with her.

“I give up, Sky.” Key said to everyone during dance practice. “I love you.”

Sky looked up at Minho who walked towards her. “I knew it. It’s just a matter fact of time that’ll you confess.” He laughed.

“Thanks for playing with me Minho. You had this hard. We all know you’re not looking for any other relationships other than friends.” Sky gave Minho a tight squeeze and hopped over to Key. “I hate you, but I love you.” She says to him.

She pushes Key away, but manages a smile. 

Owner's note: Hello! Hope you like your oneshot! 

13 Jan 2012

[review] when love actually becomes love by jonghyunjessica ♥

Title: When love actually becomes love...
Author: Jonghyunjessica
Story link: click
Review by: Ilovemilkycouple
Title: 4/5
Ohohohoho, I don't know, but I love the title :D It sounds so good, it's catchy too ^^ Good job!

Poster: 9/10
Keke, your posters a character chart! The photos used were good, but I especially liked it, since tiffany's partner wasn't shown :D It just made me want to find out who the mysterious person is.

Description and Foreword: 6/10
I guess the description was pretty good, but I think you added too much information about it, it's like telling every single detail, maybe take out the parts like how Sooyoung studied abroad in china for 4 years, ect. Because you can add that in the foreword, since you didn't put any of the characters personalities. Maybe do some dot points about the characters in your foreword.

Writing Style: 9/10
I like how you wrote it, you showed the different POV'S (point of views) and described things clearly :) Good job!!!

Plot: 18/20
I liked the plot, it made me want to read more! How Yuri's scared when she's driving xD And how they hated them at first >.< so cuteeee! I could go on and on about this but I won't.

Flow: 8/10
Your story has a nice pace to it, it didn't happen to fast or too slow.

Grammar and Spelling: 13/15
There was quite a few mistakes but they weren't really big ones, the one's you got wrong most on was the tense. (like past tense ect)
(Some errors)

Error: I wonder why I couldn't drive.
Correction: I wonder why I can't drive.
Why: Wrong tense.

Error: The students look at us like we were rich people walking out of a different car every day.
Correction: The students look at us like we're rich people walking out of different cars every day.
Error: It was them and the girls start screaming and running over while we were about to get hit but good thing we had body guards around us are we could've been stepped on
Correction: It was them and the girls start screaming and running over while we were about to get hit but good thing we had body guards around us or we could've been stepped on
Why: Sentence didn't make sense.

Error: We speeded up to go to the hotel on time and not make our parents made.
Correction: We sped up to go to the hotel on time and not make our parents mad.
Why: Wrong tense, and spelling error.

Originality: 9/10
I have read stories where they're forced to have an arranged marriage, but the things that happen, are original ;) Once I read it I knew it wasn't copied or anything like that.

Ending: -/5
There was no ending so no mark for that and it won't affect your score.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I loved it :D I wish I had a story like that ;( I love Minyul couple ;) keke. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story, it's a must subscribe!

Comments: keke, if you're looking for a co-author, don't fret to ask me ;) because i LOVE MINYUL COUPLEEE <3 haha!

Total: 86/100
Owner's note: Hello! Please credit our shop. link this review on your foreword ^^ And your story is under our "recommend stories" (:




6 Jan 2012

Listen to my pounding heart for janluvucube ♥

Title: Listen to my pounding heart
Characters: Hyoyoung 5dolls & Noori Co-ed school
Written by: Hyokey29


Hyoyoung walked in their school hallway wearing short striped skirt with black leggings, top with a skull figure stacked on it and a couple of necklaces, bracelets and earrings around his head, and lastly, high heeled boots.


She walked in with an ear bud placed in both sides of her ears trying to ignore someone else's gazes.


There was no need for her to stop and waited for someone, since, she doesn't have any friends herself. Like she said, "It's better to be alone than a bunch of people gathering around you, talking nonsense." She stated. It's true, anyway. Well, for her.


On the other side, there he is, Noori. His new and he was trying to find his class but unlucky him, he didn't know anyone in here, yet.


He was 'bout to enter the administrator's room to ask for help when he saw a bunch of people stepping aside letting someone gave her way. He looked around and saw a girl with her clothing all in black.


Then, the girl dropped something. She sat down for a bit to pick it up. In addition, that was the way where Noori saw her face.


She was pretty than any other girls; she got this charisma inside her. 'I like her' Noori thought without giving second thought about it. He admitted it, he like her.


When he first saw her face, his heart started beating fast like a drum beat.


Since, he was new. He wanted that girl to be his first friend. Without hesitation, he followed the girl without her knowing.


He followed from behind then every time the girl turned around, he would hide himself.


Until, an idea popped in his brain. 'That's a great idea.' Noori thought.


He pulled out every book from his bag and put it on his hands. It's heavy, for sure. He lifted slowly and pretended not to see who was not in front of him.


Until, he -NOT- accidentally bumped into the girl he was crushing on. The books fell, same to the girl too.


He quickly sat down and helped the girl up, "Miss, are you okay?" He asked, looking at the girl tapping her head.


The girl stared at him for a minute before nodding. She sat up straight and started helping Noori with the books that fell.


"I'm sorry." Noori apologized, looking at her pretty face. It was hard to look away from the face, she’s beautiful.


After picking up the books that fell, they both stood up and looked awkwardly at each other. Noori cleared his throat, “I’m Noori, by the way.” he introduced himself.


“Hyoyoung.” she replied with her name.


Noori was about to ask another question when the school bell rang. Hyoyoung silently walked her way to her class; leaving a frowned Noori alone.


Noori turned around. “Hey! What’s your class, Hyoyoung-sshi?” Noori shouted at Hyoyoung from a far.


She looked at over her shoulder, "Dance Class." She answered before continuing her walking session towards her class.


'Why does he always have questions?' Hyoyoung thought. She walked confusedly. 'Does he always have to care?' she thought again.


"Can we go together?" Noori beamed. Hyoyoung jumped a bit. Surprise reality hit her like that.


She glared at the red-head. She doesn't want to waste any breath to talk, so, she just nodded to whatever he was asking.


They walked together or more like running, since, they were already late for the class.


The whole time the class was running, Noori had always by her side, he was not leaving her side and has good stories to tell. Hyoyoung who was half listening, she just returns nodded and shooked for respond to him. She doesn't want to humiliate the noisy boy beside her. However, it felt good at the same time for her because it was the first time in her SCHOOL LIFE to have a person to hang out with her, she thought no one likes her because of being so emo.


So, she tried being friendly to Noori as possible. "It's funny our teacher had a big tummy, teaching as dance with that." Noori chuckled, but when he turned around, he saw a laughing Hyoyoung. It felt good for him because he finally heard her laughed, with all three days with her, he hadn't heard that. He was very proud to what he had done.


'Good job, Noori.' Noori thought, smiling at the adorable Hyoyoung in front of him.


The class ended, and everyone was running out to get lunch. Noori stood up and waited for Hyoyoung to get up too. he was 'bout to ask if they could go lunch together when Hyoyoung cleared her throat.


"You want to go lunch with me?" Hyoyoung asked without hesitation. It was easy for her, since, she’s an emo and she got guts to anything. She dusted off her butt from the dirt on the floor they were sitting on, moments ago.


"I loved too." Noori beamed, wide smile formed on his lips. Hyoyoung returned the smile, not forcefully, but truthfully. She just felt that this guy is the only person in this whole wide world that made her laugh and smile like this. She was very happy to have Noori with her, finally. She found a true friend to hang with.


"You finally smiled at me." Noori clapped his hands like a little kid; he pinched Hyoyoung's cheeks earning a giggle from her.


"Kaja." Noori said, they both leave the room and headed to their locker, which was just two lockers away from each other’s'.


They pulled out their lunch boxes and headed outside the school. Noori to have a picnic instead, he brought blankets, of course.


They sat on the blanket and place their lunch boxes on the blanket too. Then, they started eating their food.


Hyoyoung felt really awesome that having lunch with her only friend, true friend. She can't describe what she was feeling right now; she loved looking at Noori for some time. It was like he's miracle for her to have a friend because people think it was not really easy being a friend with her because she just stayed quiet every time there was someone tried talking to her.


She doesn't really care about the world around her before she met Noori.


"What are you eating, Youngie?" Noori asked and giggled for the nickname he just gave her. Noori was really happy for the work he had done. I thought this was going to be hard for him because many people thought that Hyoyoung is really different than other girls; not physically but inside her was different.


Many think that she wasn’t easy to be a friend too because she doesn’t talk much. However, Noori doubted that. See what he just did, he already made her laugh out loud, smile widely, and she even became talkative.


"I don't know what they call this, but it's delicious." Hyoyoung said, hiding her blushing because of the nickname he just gave her. However, she loved the nickname, its sounds cute.


'Cute? Eh?' Hyoyoung thought.


Well, after meeting Noori that day they met. Noori began changing Hyoyoung's fashion sense; he changed her from foot to head. She doesn't wear black all the time anymore; she wore really something stylish for a girl like her but not too many girly outfits like other sluts out there.


Nevertheless, Hyoyoung didn't stop Noori for doing that.


It was already two months of their friendship, and it was still running strong.


Hyoyoung thinks it was already time to tell him what she truly feels for him. She started developing feelings towards Noori, there was no other guy can make her smile; laugh and blushes like that. She was sure that this guy is truly for her. A PERFECT BLESSING FROM UP ABOVE.


Today, they were going to the park for a picnic. They always love picnic, since, they both love eating.


Noori pulled out the sandwiches he made for the both of them; he gave the other one to Hyoyoung.


"I have something to tell you, Noori-ah." Hyoyoung said, calmly. She placed the sandwich on the blanket.


"What is it?" Noori said between his chewing. He can feel his heart thumping very fast, 'I hope it's not about our friendship being destroyed' He thought.


Hyoyoung released first a heavy breathe before starting to talk, "Uhm, what if your best friend fell in love with you?" Hyoyoung asked, making sure that she will get a perfect answer for the question.


She doesn't want to destroy her feelings for Noori, but she doesn't want to just left these feelings on the corner and let it destroyed by itself. She wanted to know Noori's answer first before moving into the next level.


"That's okay, but I think friendship is more important than having a girlfriend." Noori asked, calmly. He doesn't know why Hyoyoung was asking that kind of question that made him very nervous. 'What if he rejects me because she doesn't want to destroy our friendship' Noori thought. He loves Hyoyoung. He really loves her. Ever since, he saw her on the first day of the schooling.


"Why you asked, Youngie?" Noori asked, giving a cute voice for her nickname. Hyoyoung fake a cough and looked at him.


"I wanted to tell you something really important, but I hope you won't hate me." Hyoyoung said, frowning a bit because of the nervous she was feeling. She wiped the sweat on her forehead using the back of her hand before proceeding.


"I will never hate you, Youngie. Remember that!" Noori said, giving her a warm smile.


"So, what is it?" Noori asked. He put down his sandwich and focused to whatever Hyoyoung was going to say. It wasn’t easy for Noori to see Hyoyoung this pressured. He wanted to know the thing is important she was saying.


"I love you, Noori. You're the one who made me look like this. You're the only person who changed a lot in me. You make me laugh and smile like no other. I'm very happy that someone had brought you to me. You're like a miracle to my life." Hyoyoung said, because of nervous all the words just came so fast. She closed her eyes and bit his lip, afraid for the respond.


Noori chuckled made Hyoyoung confused.


Noori used his fingers to push up Hyoyoung chin, "I love you too, Hyoyoung. Ever since, the first day we met. And I keep disturbing you with my lousy stories or useless stories. When the first time you smiled and laughed in front of me, I felt like I done a very good job myself, it's a goal for me to see you smile and laugh every time. I just wanted to hide this feeling I’m having for you because I think it will destroy our friendship. However, I think I should let it out too, since, you already confessed." Noori grinned, pulling his hands away from Hyoyoung’s chin.


He pulled her for a hug, feeling the warm body against his. He wanted this moment to last forever.


After that day, the two became official couple. Hyoyoung learned more to make new friends.

Owner's note: Hello hope you like your oneshot! ^^

2 Jan 2012

[review] Another cinderella story part 2- justme- ♥

Title: Another cinderella story part 2
Author: Justme-
Story link: click
Review by: Littlemisshappy


Title: 4/5
Your title is interesting but the ‘part 2’ is not necessary so one point is docked because of that.
 
Appearance: 7/10
Your poster is okay but it’s kind of big and your background suited the mood of your story.
 
Foreword/description: 10/15
Your description is too short. You can never describe a story with 2 words and the periods should be three not two.
Wrong: He’s back..
Correct: He’s back
Why: Ellipsis contains of 3 periods, not two.
 
Your foreword is okay. You described the characters well. Here’s some mistake;
Wrong: Myungsoo's helding a party for his birthday.
Correct: Myungsoo held a party for his birthday.
Why: First of all, ‘held’ is a past tense, to mix a past tense with ‘-ing’? It’s a no-no.
 
Plot/Originality: 17/20
Long lost lover came back, had a dilemma whether to choose the current boyfriend or the long lost lover…long lost lover understood her, let her be with her current boyfriend…long lost lover go back to state…
Well, it’s kind of common type of stories…but you made it interesting, at least for me but then pity L. Joe, his love life are so sad. And did I mention you L. Joe is my ultimate bias? HAHAHA, I’ll be unbiased in reviewing, no worries ;)
 
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuation: 24/30
It is almost spotless I tell you, one of the reasons why I enjoy this fan fiction.
 
Wrong: “Aish. What the hell with both of them..” he muttered.
Correct: "Aish. What the hell with both of them” he muttered.
Why: Your periods. It should be three.
 
Wrong: “You guys..”
Correct: “You guys
Why: Your periods. It should be three.
 
Wrong: “Thanks for these surprises, thanks for ignoring me for the whole school period, thanks everyone!”
Correct: “Thanks for the surprises, thanks for ignoring me for the whole school period, thanks everyone!”
Why: Your sentence structure.
 
Wrong: Scare to be late, you ran to the car.
Correct: Scared to be late, you ran to the car.
Why: Your tense consistency. Always write in past tense.
 
Wrong: “Drinks.. drinks.. Aha!”
Correct: “DrinksdrinksAha!”
Why: Your periods, again. Ellipsis contains of three periods and you use it for an incomplete thought.
 
Wrong: You reached for the drink and drink it fast, which make you cough. 
Correct: You reached for the drink and drank it fast, which make you coughed.
Why: Tense consistency.
 
That is some of your mistakes; the rest is just the same, minor mistakes. I’m sure you can improve to be a good writer! :)
 
Writing Style: 5/5
I love your writing style! It wasn’t messy and easy to understand.
 
Flow: 6/10
For me, it kind of too fast. L. Joe has just arrived but then he’s going to states back!
 
Overall enjoyment: 5/5
I did enjoy this story! Thanks for making a good story! :D Although it’s kind of sad for L. Joe’s lovers…
 
Total: 78/100
LMH’s note: Congratulations! You’ve made me a happy person when reviewing J I hope you’re satisfied with the review and keep up the good work! :D oh, and congratulations for winning too!

Hello! Congrats that you won the challenges! Here's the review for your story! Credit and link it on your foreword ^^